I could tell you, he had no intention to insult me or hurt my feelings. He was genuinely puzzled. He then continued, "Asian girls are usually so skinny." Well sir, today is your lucky day. You are staring at one medical miracle!! If I could get my 90lb soaking wet mother from Japan, we can charge people admission. While you may think a man like this deserves a lightening or two by my Mjolnir, I wasn't too upset (surprisingly) about him or his dagger he innocently threw at me. If you know me well, you know that I am not fond of Japanese people (though I am one). I don't like to be around them because I know I stick out like a sore rainbow colored thumb. I feel like I can hear people's inner voice just like the man at the park. People are always surprised to know I am Japanese but it's not because my English is ok, but I just simply don't look/act like one. Am I paranoid? Maybe, maybe not, but it doesn't matter, because that is what I think. There are many reasons why I came to America. I was always fascinated by English and wanted to communicate with people using this magic jiberish. But I also wanted to get away from skinny people. I thought, maybe I could blend in better if I go to a country/place where there are many people from different origins, languages, cultures and shapes. It's easy to compare apples with apples, but if I jump into a fruit basket, it would be normal not to look the same as other fruits. I am, though, still dragging my low self esteem like Linus with his blanket. I have tried many things to either fix this problem or at least suppress my devil on my shoulder. Obviously none of them has worked so well. Sometimes I get encouraged or at least a little giggle from posts mainly on FaceBook that say curvy women are better. But that doesn't last so long either because I feel like I am trying to be over confident. Of course, there is nothing wrong with being proud of who we are. I personally think a bit over confident is more attractive as a person than no self esteem. But I don't want to be overly proud, to almost be overcompensating from defense mechanism. But I don't want to feel like I owe an apology for people who are willing to spend some time with me either. I just want to be OK with myself. If I don't like the way I look for whatever reason, I should try harder to fix that, but in the meantime, I should just be ok with myself. If I can't do that, then I should at least grow a tougher skin. I'm sure you have gotten at least a handful of mean comments from people intentionally or unintentionally. I'm also sure you have given mean comments, again, intentionally or unintentionally. Though raising awareness around us (you know there are bullies everywhere children or adults alike) and talking TO each other rather than ABOUT each other are really important, I don't want to spend my entire life correcting people. I have more than a dozen times given back a quick comeback to rude people. But while I laughed at this guy's bite sized pee-pee, my bleeding boo boo needed a bandage, plus I never felt good afterwards. Feeling bad about oneself is such a terrible feeling. I don't wish that on anyone even if you are hurting my feelings. So although the guy at the park clearly needed my private etiquette lesson, I now have 2 choices. I can cry my precious Sunday night away, or have an extra sprinkle on my ice cream on him and have a good night. I guess you know which one I'm going to do.
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| why do we have to define ourselves by whether men are attracted or not? |
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| hahaha |
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| only if they didn't misspell angel |
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